Dreaming

Background Music: Aerodynamics by Daft Punk (ironically enough!)

A large canvas hangs above my head. I glance at it tentatively and watch it sway under my glance. I blink repeatedly and continuing walking, but it never fails to leave me, a large curtain blanketing me. It is the large expanse, the waves and seas raging above us, that we have named the sky. It has perplexed generations with its unpredictable tears alternating with its blinding, dizzying lights. Adults look up and implore the sky for answers; children stare up at it and create the sky's atlas, filled with galloping horses instantly moulding itself into flying fairies.

I often wonder if I would reach the corner of the world and touch the sky as it meets the sea, just like in 'The Truman Show'. Yet, its true endlessness captivates my soul. Looking up at it now, I wonder if it is just a bulk of lifelessness which humanity has personified. But for me, it will always be more -- a painting I can never photograph; a juxtaposition of change and permanence.

'I've got the rhythm baby!'

Background Music: Around the World by Daft Punk

After months of hibernation, I am back to express myself. I am in the mood to dance. For the past few days, I've been blaring dance music in my room. Now, for those of you who know me, dance music is not my 'thing'. I am usually an alternative rock-deep and contemplative lyrics- kind-of-person. I like to curl up and let the music seep into me. But now dance music craves for my attention. And its not long before I'm dancing in my room. Bouncing and hopping around, waving my arms around like a person drowning in the large expanse of the ocean of synthesisers and auto-tunes.

Once, I asked my friend how she manages to capture everyone's attention with her dance moves. She smiled back and exclaimed -- 'I've got rhythm baby!'. Unlike her, I am not very proud of my dance skills and in public places, I usually sway from side to side. But, every so often the rhythm just gets to me and even a simple repetition of the phrase - 'around the world, around the world' can inspire me to break away from routine.

Let go of yourself! :P

Anthem for Doomed Youth

Background Music: Lament by All Angels

Once in a while, I like to post the works of poets whose words inspire me. Without literature, my mind would lie barren. Here is a famous poem written in World War 1, by Wilfred Owen, called 'Anthem for Doomed Youth'. Think deep and let every metaphor set your thoughts aflame.

Anthem for Doomed Youth by Wilfred Owen
What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?
Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.
What candles may be held to speed them all?
Not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of good-byes.
The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.

...

Untitled Dreams

Background Music: Speed of Sound by Coldplay

Words. They seem to quench an undying thirst inside of me. When I read a novel, my hands quiver with the love I feel towards every syllable, every comma. These words stand plain and lifeless until they are opened, and like a flower, they bloom in our minds and nourish our existence.

I need it. Even if I consciously avoid it, I can feel my tongue forming words inside my mouth, my thoughts aligning themselves into words, sentences, paragraphs. There is no moment more romantic than that. You are barely aware of your surroundings yet the world inside your head throbs with purpose and meaning.

Do you realise that when you die, all that anchor you are your yellowing manuscripts? The untouched manuscripts pages which live for you, exist for you. Emotions you thought you were never capable of drip out, like tears, a fountain of truth and lies. Because for us, illusions and reality are childhood friends that link arms and walk the paths of our imagination.

I can feel the unhesitant footsteps entering my soul, and encouraging me to run. Run forever in the fields of language, the stars of expression, the winds of freedom...all controlled by the tides of inspiration.

I am submerged in the waves.

Saying goodbye

Background Music: Atonement from the Atonement Soundtrack

I am sitting here, in my room, trying to plough through my work and battling thousands of feelings leaking through the cracks in my sanity. That was when this song began playing and suddenly, the bottled emotions burst open and now I find myself sorting out the glass pieces and its contents spat across this floor.

Memories enter in drops and leave me in an ocean to drown.

My heart ached, my tear glands awakened from their dry slumber. Suddenly all my pain and grief was focussed on the loss in my life. Death. Of my grandmother. Sometimes, you never realise how much a person co-existed with your life until they leave you. When their ghost wanders around amongst the loneliness. When silence becomes suffocating. When the pain throbs through your thoughts. It's knowing that someone's missing that causes time to constrict. The past opens up, like a black hole, drawing me inwards. The laughs, now echoes. The hugs, now a vacuum, the smiles, now frozen in photographs.

I miss you. More than words can ever express.

The Edge

Background Music: Maestoso by Frederic Chopin

Funny isn't it, how a substantial part of our lies balance on the edge of the cliff of trust and happiness. I usually peep over and look down at the fall, the dive into suspicion and paranoia; at the hungry waters, licking away the base of the cliff and devouring every sense of faith.

So, I keep standing there, at the edge of my cliff, contemplating my fate. Will I stand here forever, loving you, holding you in the tight grip of my hug, or let you wander away as I wait; wait until my heart has gone cold? Should I dive into the ocean, the beckoning dance of the hypnotic blue and the giggling white waves? Its mysterious darkness where I may find silence and peace. How it calls to me, deceiving me, luring me with its coy finger, tightening the veins around my neck, and constricting my breath. Yet the wind behind my back taps on my shoulder, climbs up my spine, pulling me away, reminding me of the need to believe, to trust in my world. It tugs at my heart, circles me in earnest and sets my thoughts aflight -- hopes, dreams, love, joy. I don't trust either, both have a tug of war, and I am the rope in the middle.

And I still stand. On the edge. One leg brushing the emptiness of the world below me, where my life escapes, one leg rooted to the earth, where my life blooms. I'll be there. You will find me there. Standing. Watching. Musing.

Memories

Background Music: How to Save a Life

I have always believed in the significance of those around me, moulding my life and carving the finer folds and layers of my skin. Somehow, everyone seems to have contributed to my papier mache model -- plastering paper, washing with glue, and flooding with paint. And occasionally, some paper peels away (thanks to the innocent imperfections of all my creators) and links with a whole new world, like a child's fingers groping the uncertainties of every moment. This is the moment of self-realisation, when stability tears away to reveal the honest simplicities within.

The fear of external influences lingered within me. I was afraid that I was becoming someone I was not, juggling masks and forcing them on my weary face forever. But this uncomfortable thought was replaced by a the reassurance of finding a part of myself in the journey. They all unleashed a dimension in me that lay buried in the silent depths of my turbulent surface.

Thank you. This is to everyone. For the smiles, the tears, the photographs, the bruises, the confidence, the embarrassment. For making me smile involuntarily at my past, despite falls and giggles as we hike through our hills and valleys.